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In 2012, little did I know that a seemingly innocent choice would unravel into a nightmare that reshaped the course of my life. Promises of love and happiness became illusions, leading to a life drowned in debt, fear, and the harsh reality of narcissistic abuse.

Drowning in debt, living in fear daily, questioning my sanity, worrying for my children, one of which I shared with this man, and facing the shattering truth that this person I thought I knew was the source of my terror. But here’s the thing about hitting rock bottom—it became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life. My name is Lee-Anne, and I refuse to be a victim any longer and I am not defined by the scars of my past. I am a survivor.

Join me as I unveil the layers of my journey—the pain, the triumphs, and the ongoing process of reclaiming my life. This blog isn’t just a narrative; it’s a living testament to the power of resilience, self-love, and the unwavering determination to rebuild after the storm. Here, we delve into the nuanced highs and lows of healing from narcissistic abuse, because everyone deserves not just to survive but to thrive.

Welcome to a space where we embrace the echoes of our strength, learning and growing together. This is more than a blog; it’s a community of warriors reclaiming their narrative.

Let’s rewind to a time when dating suddenly went virtual, and apps became the go-to for making connections. It was a shift, and as an introvert who tends to be a bit shy (at least initially), this online approach seemed like a comfortable fit. I liked the idea of getting to know someone a bit before jumping into the in-person meet-up.

So, I ventured into the world of online dating. It was a different ballgame—profiles, messages, and the anticipation of what could unfold. The screen became my way of easing into conversations, peeling back layers before committing to face-to-face interactions.

Little did I know, this seemingly straightforward dive into online dating would become a precursor to a journey filled with unexpected twists. What began as a hopeful exploration soon unfolded into a journey marked by unexpected challenges and surprises that surfaced right after the initial meeting.

Very quickly things unfolded, the manipulative tactics became a daily occurrence and slowly tightened their grip, the gaslighting dance of psychological warfare left me questioning my own reality and every single word and action seemed carefully orchestrated chipping away at my sense of self. 

Our once warm home, a haven for our loving family of three (initially just me and my two eldest children), embarked on a journey fraught with tension, stress, and heartache. Questions echoed within the walls: “Did that really just happen?” “Did he truly say that?” “What did I do wrong?” “Why does he think it’s okay to act like that?” The uncertainty lingered, accompanied by a sincere desire to understand and help.

Behind closed doors, the facade we presented to the world crumbled, revealing a harsh reality where love had given way to control, and happiness had become a distant memory. Navigating this intricate maze felt like tiptoeing through emotional landmines, each step uncertain and fraught with the possibility of the next explosion of manipulation.

The toll on my mental health was immeasurable. Anxiety became a constant companion, whispering doubt into every decision. Sleep, once a refuge, became elusive as my mind replayed the day’s emotional turmoil on an endless loop. Depression settled in like a heavy fog, obscuring any glimmer of hope.

In 2016, amidst the culmination of these years of torment, a pivotal decision unfolded. Rather than parting ways, we opted to embark on a new chapter by relocating near to his hometown. The plan was to explore, renovate a house, and set the stage for the life we had dreamt of together. It was during this transformative period that we decided to take the step of getting married on New Year’s Eve. However, the reality continued to unfold after our marriage which introduced more challenges, including his unemployment, and the subsequent closure of my new business, which led to mounting debt.

The years leading up to October 2019 were marked by an internal struggle, a silent battle fought in the shadows of shame and guilt. The weight of the past, the mounting challenges, and the complexities of our relationship created a suffocating atmosphere that I carried within.

As October unfolded, a dreadful event occurred, casting a dark shadow over my world. For a week, I grappled with the weight of what had transpired, a heavy secret threatening to consume me. The air was thick with tension as I navigated through each day, wrestling with the truth I carried.

Then came the turning point—the day he left for what would be the last time. It wasn’t the first time he had left; I had often asked him to leave throughout our seven years together. But this time, something shifted. It wasn’t just another departure; it was the moment when everything changed.

In that moment, with the echoes of our tumultuous history reverberating in the air, I found the strength to speak the words that had long been suppressed. I told him to leave, to never come back.

Contrary to what one might expect, the aftermath brought immense relief. As the door closed behind him, I crumpled to the floor, emotions flooding over me. Relief was palpable because, for the first time, I acknowledged a truth that had long haunted me. My children, our sanctuary of happiness, only seemed truly happy when he wasn’t around. We were perfectly fine without him. Yet, like a recurring nightmare, he would reappear, winning me round and making promises that he would change.

Life was hell as this cycle repeated—his unexpected return, the temporary semblance of normality, only for the storm to resume. The worry for my children weighed heavily; their happiness seemed dependent on his absence. The uncertainty of when he would re-enter our lives created an atmosphere of perpetual dread.

The door to a new chapter had opened, but the echoes of the past lingered, a reminder of the tumultuous journey that lay behind us.

Even after he left in October 2019, the echoes of his presence refused to budge. It was like a persistent cloud hanging over, casting a shadow on the path I was trying to clear. His tricks, the emotional scars—they clung on, challenging the new beginning I so desperately sought.

In the quiet moments, I could almost feel his influence, like a ghost in the room. The old fears and manipulations, once loud and overbearing, now whispered in the background, making it hard to forget. It was a reminder that the wounds he left behind ran deep, not just on the surface.

Then came 2020, the year that brought an unexpected twist with the COVID lockdown. Instead of succumbing to the challenges, I embraced this time with my children. We had our share of laughter, indulging in DIY projects and more. As the world slowed down, I dived deeper into my healing journey and self-discovery.

Books, podcasts, courses—they became my companions on this newfound path. With each page turned and every insightful conversation, I felt the shadows recede a little more. It was also during this time that I found a new partner, someone who became my rock. Although our connection developed quickly, it wasn’t a rash decision. The truth was, I had never wanted to be with my ex-husband. I had become a people pleaser, hoping to help him despite the toll it took on me and my children. This realisation was a stark reminder of the trauma bond that had gripped me, blinding me to the damage being done.

Healing wasn’t a neat and tidy process; it was more like a meandering journey. The therapist became a guide, helping me navigate the tangle of emotions that stuck around after his departure. Slowly but surely, the shadows began to retreat. The realisation dawned—getting help wasn’t about weakness; it was a necessary step towards reclaiming a brighter, self-defined future.

The revelation came in 2020—a moment of clarity that felt like the sun breaking through after a long night. Discovering narcissistic abuse as the root cause was like turning on a light in a dark room. Suddenly, everything started making sense.

For years, I had unwittingly danced to the tune of a manipulative partner, but now, armed with knowledge, I could see the strings that once controlled me. It was a pivotal point—a realisation that lifted the veil of confusion. The journey of self-development unfolded, and I made a silent vow to take control of my life.

Books became my allies, each page offering a nugget of wisdom that empowered me. Podcasts turned into a source of inspiration, reminding me that I wasn’t alone on this path. Courses became stepping stones, guiding me towards a deeper understanding of myself and the dynamics of abuse.

In this newfound knowledge, I discovered the strength to set boundaries, to say no without guilt, and to prioritise my well-being. The journey wasn’t without its challenges, but armed with awareness, I navigated them with a newfound resilience.

The turning point wasn’t just about escaping the clutches of abuse; it was about reclaiming my identity. The more I learned, the more I untangled the threads of my authentic self from the web of manipulation. Each revelation was a step towards liberation.

As I delved into self-discovery, my business as a VA took on a new dimension. It became a platform not just for financial independence but for showcasing the strength I had found within. The more I developed personally, the more my business flourished.

2020 onward wasn’t just about surviving; it was about thriving. In understanding narcissism, I found the key to unlocking a life of authenticity and empowerment. The journey wasn’t easy, but with every step, I moved closer to breaking free from the chains that once bound me.

The dawn of 2021 became the starting point of a profound journey of self-empowerment. Armed with newfound knowledge, I decided to dive even deeper into self-improvement, turning adversity into an opportunity for growth.

I committed myself to a path of extensive training, aspiring not just to heal but to become a gold-standard Coach accredited by the International Coaching Federation (ICF). This wasn’t just a professional accolade; it was a testament to my determination to rise above the challenges that once defined my life.

The journey didn’t stop there. I delved into the intricate world of Somatic Trauma Informed Coaching, understanding that true healing goes beyond words—it encompasses the body, the very vessel that endured the scars of the past. This holistic approach allowed me to offer support that touched the core of my clients’ experiences.

Positive Psychology became another cornerstone of my training, a tool to foster not just healing but the flourishing of the human spirit. Armed with the principles of positive psychology, I could guide others towards a life filled with purpose, resilience, and authentic happiness.

Recognising the need for specialised expertise, I dedicated myself to becoming a Narcissistic Abuse Specialist. This additional training allowed me to offer targeted support to those navigating the intricate challenges posed by narcissistic abuse, drawing from both professional training and personal experience.

As I expanded my toolkit, Brainspotting Phase 1 Therapy became a significant addition. This innovative approach allowed me to help clients process trauma and unlock their innate capacity for healing. The eye-mind connection became a powerful tool in my therapeutic toolbox.

But the journey didn’t end with professional certifications. Each training became not just a qualification but a stepping stone towards a broader understanding of the human experience. It was about more than acquiring skills; it was about becoming a beacon of hope for others navigating the shadows.

2021 onward was a commitment to becoming not just a survivor but a guide for others on their journey. The resources I tapped into, the knowledge I acquired, and the dedication to understanding Trauma and Narcissism formed the foundation of a new chapter—one where I emerged not just stronger but equipped to uplift others from the depths of despair.

In sharing my journey from victim to survivor, I hope this narrative becomes a source of inspiration for those navigating the challenging terrain of narcissistic abuse. Rebuilding after such an ordeal is not just a possibility; it’s a journey towards reclaiming your authentic self.

To those who have felt the weight of manipulation and the echoes of past traumas, I want to assure you that healing is not only attainable but within your grasp. As you embark on your unique journey, remember that every small step is a triumph, and every act of self-love is a testament to your resilience.

You are not alone.

In the depths of despair, I discovered a strength I never knew existed. My commitment now is to stand beside you, offering guidance and support as you forge your own path to empowerment. Together, we can break the chains of abuse, rewrite the narratives that bind us, and step into a future filled with self-love and authenticity.

Your journey is valid, your pain is acknowledged, and your healing is paramount. As you navigate the path ahead, remember that the power to rebuild lies within you. Embrace the support around you, tap into the resources available, and know that there is a community ready to uplift and empower you.

Rebuilding after narcissistic abuse is not just a possibility; it’s your birthright.

Take the first step towards your empowerment. Explore resources and join a supportive community. Visit my website for articles, podcasts, and a community of individuals on similar journeys. Together, we can rewrite our stories and embrace the future with strength and authenticity.

With love and strength,

Lee-Anne xxx

Loved this post? Keep exploring…

→ Tune into the Podcast: ‘Not HER Anymore’ is where we go even deeper into healing, boundaries, nervous system support, and self-worth.

→ Grab a Free Resource: From breathwork to boundaries — explore free tools to start your journey.

→ Ready for Support? Explore 1:1 coaching and my signature programme.

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